


But Tonight I'm Gonna Hold You So Close

by TheAutotheist



Series: A Girl, A Guy, and the Never-Ending War [3]
Category: Captain America (Movies)
Genre: F/M, Female Steve, First Kiss, First Time, Fluff, Minor Trigger Warning, Minor Violence, Pre-Serum Steve Rogers, Sappy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-20
Updated: 2014-10-20
Packaged: 2018-02-21 21:09:28
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,961
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2482529
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheAutotheist/pseuds/TheAutotheist
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Stephany Rogers sometimes got in over her head when she jumped into fights. But she wasn't the kind of person who would let bullies pick on the weak and defenseless. So it was a good thing there was someone willing to jump in and help her.</p>
            </blockquote>





	But Tonight I'm Gonna Hold You So Close

**Author's Note:**

> While this story is part of the series, you don't actually need to read the other two stories because this one doesn't fall in the same timeline.

Steph rarely won fights. She knew this every time she jumped into one. If there were only one or two guys, and Bucky happened to be close enough to help her out, sometimes they could teach bullies a lesson together. Bucky was pretty strong, and most guys didn’t want to mess with him. Steph could barely throw a punch. But that never stopped her from standing in front of someone even weaker.

This time, she had stepped in front of a girl with streaks of makeup running down her face, and torn stockings. Her dress was dirty and she clutched her handbag to her chest. Three guys had cornered her on an empty street one night. Steph was walking by, having been unsuccessful in her latest attempt to find a job. She heard sobs and pleads, and looked down the street to see one guy holding onto her forearm and reaching out to grab a fistful of her skirt. Rage filled Steph’s veins so she ran down the street and yelled, “Hey! Leave her alone!”

It was probably because they were so surprised that a shrimpy little boy (at least, that’s what they probably thought she was) would dare try to stop them, that Steph was able to smack the guy’s hands off. Honestly, she didn’t look anything like a girl, herself, what with her men’s trousers and shirt, and her boyishly short hair.

“Don’t you have something better to do than harass a woman?” Steph said as she glared up at them. Behind her the woman was trembling, and hadn’t moved at all. She was probably just as surprised by Steph’s interruption as the three men.

“What’s it to you?” sneered the guy whose hands she had smacked. “This isn’t any of your business. Just keep walking, brat.”

“No way.” Steph held up her fists, which just made the guy laugh. “Get out of here,” she said over her shoulder to the woman.

She finally seemed to come to her senses, because she shook herself and darted out from behind Steph and ran down the street. The guy watched her go and looked down at Steph. He cracked his knuckles. “You’re going to regret this,” he said.

“Never do,” she said back. Before she could blink, he swung back his hand and punched her in the face. She stumbled back into the wall, and two of the other guys pinned her arms to it. The leader punched her again, and she tasted blood. She sucked her lower lip into her mouth and felt the cut from a split lip.

“Hey, wait a minute,” one of the other guys said. “Joe, I think this is a girl.”

Steph’s stomach filled with ice.

The main guy, Joe, smirked. “Really?” Before she could stop him, he tore open the front of her shirt to reveal the bindings she wore underneath to hide any hint at a feminine physique. “Lookie here. A little girl is pretending to be a boy. You really are stupid, ain’t you?” He grabbed her chin and forced her face up.

Instead of responding, Steph spit in his face. She may not be able to throw a punch, but she could still hit someone in the eye with spit mixed with a little blood.

“Ugh!” he cried and stepped back so he could wipe the mess out of his eye. “You’re gonna pay for that!” He pushed her head against the wall with his hand at her throat. Steph gagged and futilely struggled to get away from the three guys holding her.

Joe smirked and started to undo his belt. Steph’s eyes widened, which made him smirk more. “Shouldn’ta gotten in the way.” He continued to hold her throat as he reached down to try to undo her trousers. So she struggled more.

“Let me go, you bastards!” she screamed and managed to bring her knee up and hit him in the groin.

That made him let go of her throat and double over in pain. But she didn’t have a very long moment of victory because one of the other guys punched her in the stomach and it knocked all the air out of her lungs. She gasped and tried to keep standing straight, but she knew the next time this Joe tried to attack her, she wouldn’t be able to stop him.

He straightened up, his face contorted with rage and was going to say something, but then someone grabbed his shoulder and yanked him back. “Pick on someone your own size!” the new person said before punching Joe in the face hard enough to knock him back to the wall.

It was Bucky.

One of the other guys let go of Steph’s arm so he could throw a punch at Bucky, but Bucky dunked around it and punched the second guy in the gut. He kicked the guy’s legs out from under him, sending him sprawling onto the ground. The third guy was about to let go of Steph’s other arm and attack, but Steph raised her foot and kicked back at the guy’s knee as hard as she could. He crumbled down with a scream, and Bucky punched him in the face, knocking him out and leaving him on the ground.

Steph leaned back against the wall because she wasn’t sure her legs were ready to support her weight yet, and looked at Bucky, who was breathing hard, through gritted teeth. He looked at her and finally took in her appearance. The anger and rage left his face as his eyes widened in shock. Steph looked away and clutched the sides of her shirt together over her chest, suddenly self-conscious. All she could do was hold the shirt together, because the buttons had been torn off.

“God, Steph…” Bucky whispered.

“I’m okay…” she said quietly, still unable to meet his eyes. “Only a few bruises.”

“This wasn’t going to end with a few bruises or broken bones,” he said, and it sounded like he was trying to keep his voice steady. She glanced at him and saw he had his hand clenched into a fist at his side and it was shaking.

“Yeah, but…” she pulled the edges of the shirt closer and wrapped her arms around herself, “I’m okay…”

She hadn’t noticed she had started shaking until Bucky moved closer and wrapped his coat around her shoulders. He rubbed her arms gently and looked down at her. It was extremely comforting, so she wrapped herself up in his coat. “C’mon… Let’s get out of here…” he said and guided her away from the wall. Apparently her legs were willing to work. But whenever she stumbled, Bucky was there to steady her.

When they got back to her apartment, she dropped down onto the old couch and drew her legs up to her chest. She thought she really should change into a different shirt, but she didn’t want to take Bucky’s coat off. It was big enough to cover her anyway. Bucky looked at her and then walked into the kitchen. A minute later she heard the tea kettle whistling, and then Bucky came back with a chipped mug of steaming tea. He forced it into her hands and sat down next to her.

“Drink. It’ll make you feel better,” he said.

Rather than argue or ask how he knew that, she raised the warm mug up and drank. It was more hot water than actual tea, since the tea had been old and stale, and there wasn’t much of it. But it was still comforting. Steph drank half the mug in one go, and then held it between her palms, letting it warm her hands. She could feel the bruise on her face, and her lip had started bleeding again from the heat.

“Look at me,” Bucky commanded, so she turned to face him. He had brought the first aid stuff from the kitchen and dabbed rubbing alcohol at her split lip, and cleaned the bruise on her cheek. It stung, but Steph didn’t really mind. When he was done, her eyes drifted down to the tea in her mug again.

“You’re shivering,” he pointed out, and she realized she was. So she set the mug down so she wouldn’t accidentally drop it. Her arms wrapped around her body again, almost of their own will.

“Yeah…” she mumbled.

“Steph…” She could tell he was sitting close, but aside from the first aid, he hadn’t touched her. She glanced at his face. He was worried, really worried. And it looked like he didn’t know what else to do. How to help.

She reminded herself that Bucky was always there to help. She was so lucky to have him. He never judged her, either. He would tease her or make fun of her, but he never tried to stop her like her mother always had. She didn’t realize she had started to move until she turned and grabbed the front of his shirt and turned her face into his chest. He instinctively wrapped his arms around her small frame and held her close.

“I’m sorry…” she said, her voice muffled slightly.

“Why’re you apologizing, you stupid girl?” he said affectionately.

“I’m don’t know…” she admitted.

He sighed and rubbed her back, which made her shivering calm down. “What were you thinking, though? Taking on three guys like that…”

“They were hurting this woman. I wasn’t going to just walk by…”

“So you thought you’d switch places with her?” He pulled her close and tucked her head under his chin. Her shivering finally died down and she buried her face in his chest.

“I didn’t mean to…”

“God, Steph, if I hadn’t been in the area…” he said against her hair.

“I know…” she whispered. “Yeah, I know… But… some other girl got away cause I stepped in.”

“Always such a hero,” he said and huffed out a laugh.

She turned her face to lay her head against his chest. “Yeah, that’s me…”

They sat in silence for a moment and she noticed how dark it was in the room with only the one light on. When he started to pull away, she gripped his shirt tighter. “No, please…” He stopped at the fear in her voice. “Can you… can you stay here a little longer?” She closed her eyes tightly.

“Yeah, ‘o course…” he said.

“Can you just… just hold me like this? I’ll be okay in a minute…”

“Sure…”

She didn’t know when she fell asleep, but apparently once all the adrenaline wore off, it left her exhausted. So at some point, she fell asleep like that, on the couch. When she woke up in the middle of the night, she was in her bed. At first, she was disappointed, but as she shifted, she realized someone was holding on her hand. She turned to her side and saw Bucky sitting on the floor by her bed. He had fallen asleep with his head on the side of her bed and his hand wrapped around hers.

She smiled softly and squeezed his hand. He had his other arm up on the bed and his head was resting on his elbow. He must have fallen asleep like that, right by her side. A warm bubble expanded in her chest when she thought about how he had stayed with her. He must have been tired too, because he was completely passed out. His hair, which was normally slicked back had fallen in strands across his forehead, so she reached out and gently brushed them back. Her fingers trembled slightly, but it wasn’t for the same reason she’d been shaking earlier.

He shifted slightly at her touch. “Nn… Steph?” he muttered, still half-asleep.

“Sorry…” she whispered, without really knowing why. For some reason, talking at full volume in the dark seemed wrong. “Didn’t mean to wake you…”

“S’okay…” He yawned and blinked open his eyes, but didn’t move his head, so their faces were mere inches apart. It was almost like she could see his eyes even more clearly in the dark. Not for the first time, she thought about how he had beautiful eyes. He squeezed her hand. “You okay…?” he asked, keeping his voice low as well.

She nodded, or tried to with her head resting on the pillow. “Thanks for staying…”

He smiled lightly. “Told you I would.”

“Don’t know what I’d do without you…” she whispered, so quietly she barely even heard herself.

“Good thing I’m not going anywhere. You’re stuck with me.”

She smiled and looked at his face again. Perhaps it was the dark, or maybe it was because he had been so kind, so gentle with her all night, and helped her just how she needed him to. Maybe she would have never gathered the courage during the day, but here in the middle of the night, it would be okay. Before she lost her nerve, she scooted closer, closing the distance between them and placed her lips against his.

He stilled for half a second, but then he kissed her back. She happily moved her lips against his, going slow, neither rushing this moment. It was an awkward position, though, with his head propped on his elbow, and her head half falling off the pillow. When they needed to pull back for air, she squeezed his hand and pulled him closer.

“Come here…” she whispered, and moved back, making room for him on the bed. He didn’t even hesitate as he kicked off his shoes and joined her in the bed. He moved his arm out so she could rest her head on it and lie closer to him. They still had their hands clutched together, but somehow in the shuffle had readjusted to lace their fingers together. She moved her other hand to his chest and leaned in to kiss him again.

This time it was much more comfortable. She went slow, unsure exactly what to do. The only thing that was guiding her was that this felt right. It had been a long time in coming. So she followed his lead. He kissed her softly, tenderly, occasionally nibbling her bottom lip, or moving slightly to kiss the side of her mouth, and then moving back to kiss her lips.

Steph wasn’t sure how long they lay like that, kissing languidly, but after several minutes, she tilted her head forward to break off the kiss and rest her forehead against his. Her breath sounded heavy to her own ears, not like she was panting, but like she had forgotten how to breathe properly. She prayed she wasn’t about to go into an asthma attack, because she didn’t want anything to ruin this perfect moment.

“Steph…” he whispered. She had heard him say her name so many times during the years that they had known each other. Thousands of times, maybe even millions. But he had never said her name like that. Like she was his whole world. Like he could stay like this with her forever. “I’ve wanted to do that for years…” he admitted. That made her laugh a little breathless laugh. She squeezed his hand tighter and she felt his thumb rub circles into the back of her hand.  “How long have you…?” he started to ask.

She felt her lips curve up in a smile. They still had their foreheads pressed together and she still had her eyes closed. “Do you remember when we first met? When you jumped into a fight to help a stupid little girl from getting beaten up?”

“Yeah…” he said, the sound of a smile in his voice.

“Since then…”

He pulled his hand back and she blinked her eyes open to see him smiling at her. He moved his hand up to stroke her cheek and leaned in to kiss her again. She moved her free hand around his waist, pressing her body closer to him. This time, she thought she had more of a handle on how this whole kissing thing worked. Or maybe it would feel this amazing every time, the touch of Bucky’s warm lips, softer than she thought they would be. His pace was slow, almost painfully so. But there was no need to hurry.

When they pulled back again, they stayed close enough that Steph could still feel the ghost of his lips on hers, and their breaths mixed together. She focused on his fingers against her cheek, on the steady beat of his heart under her hand, perhaps a little quicker than normal.

“Bucky…” she ducked her head slightly. “You know I… I love you…” She rested her forehead against his shoulder.

“I love you too. Even before I knew I wanted to kiss you, I loved you.”

A warm tingly feeling spread through her whole body at his words, and she smiled against his neck. He rolled over to lie on his back, and pulled her with him so she could rest the side of her head against his chest. He wrapped the arm she had been lying on around her back, keeping her close. She felt his lips against the top of her head.

She slid her top hand against his stomach and sought out his other hand again. He met her halfway and laced his fingers back together with hers. She let out a long, low breath and drifted back off to sleep.

 

 

Steph woke up in the morning feeling so warm and happy that at first it confused her. But then she realized there was an arm wrapped around her shoulders, and a soft heartbeat under her ear. She could feel fingers loosely interlaced with hers. Carefully, so that she wouldn’t wake him, she tilted her head up so she could see Bucky’s face. He was sleeping so peacefully it would be a crime to wake him.

But now that it was light out, everything that had happened in the middle of the night felt like dream, except here she was, waking up in Bucky’s arms. She carefully pulled her fingers back and moved his other hand off her shoulders. She propped her hands on the bed and pushed herself up.

She didn’t move from her position, though, and instead looked down into Bucky’s sleeping face. It was one thing to kiss your best friend and tell him you love him in the middle of the night, but it was totally different now. What if he regretted what happened? What if he wanted things to go back to the way they were before? He had said… but…

“Hey…”

She had been so lost in her thoughts, she hadn’t even noticed he had woken up. He smiled up at her and touched her hip gently. “Hi…” She looked down into his face and bit her lip. “Um… about last night…”

“Which part?”

“The last part… You still… Do you want to… um…”

“Steph.” He sat up and slipped his hand around her waist. “I meant what I said. I’ve wanted to do that for years. And I love you.”

She smiled happily. Somehow, it was even better during the day than in the middle of the night. She slid her arms around his neck and pulled him close to kiss him again. It wasn’t as slow as it had been last night. She ran her fingers through the short hair at the back of his neck, and up along the back of his head, holding him close. His arm tightened around her waist, pulling her against his chest.

He nibbled on her lower lip, and bit down gently. She moaned against his mouth, parting her lips slightly. She felt the tip of his tongue along the edge of her lip and she parted her lips more. He slid his tongue into her mouth. She had to imagine this was what every girl who ever kissed him felt, only a hundred times more. Because this particular kiss started with him saying he loved her.

She moaned into his mouth again at the very talented way he was using his tongue, and pulled herself closer to him, sitting up slightly on her knees. As she did, her shirt slid off her shoulder and she suddenly remembered she was in the same clothes as last night, wearing a shirt that had half its buttons torn off.

Steph pulled back quickly. She knew her face was red, and she could feel the heat all the way down her neck. She fidgeted with her shirt, trying to pull it back over her shoulder as she sat back on her legs. She looked down, too embarrassed to meet Bucky’s eyes.

“Steph…” he said quietly and cupped her face with his hands, turning her head to look at him.

“I-I’m sorry…” she stuttered.

“You don’t have to be sorry for anything.” He hesitated. “I didn’t even think… If this is too much, too fast, I can stop. I didn’t want to scare you.”

“No!” she said quickly and let go of her shirt so she could put her hand on his wrist, keeping him close. She slid her hand up to cover his and leaned into his hand, feeling its warmth against her face. “It’s not that… I…” She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. “I want you so badly. But I’m not… I’m not like the other girls you’ve been with at all. I’ve seen who you go home with.” Her shirt slid off her shoulder again. “I’m not really your type.”

“You think I want someone like that?” He looked at her, his eyes searching her face. “I was only ever with girls like that because I wasn’t with you. It’s always been you, Steph. You’re the one I think about constantly.” He moved closer and kissed her again, and she immediately responded. “I don’t want you to be like other girls. I want you to be you. Because that’s who I fell in love with.”

She flushed again, and could feel her bare shoulder get warm as well against the slightly chilly air. The shirt had slipped off enough that the bindings underneath were visible. She pushed back his hands enough that she could lean back, and then with shaking fingers she pulled the shirt the rest of the way off, leaving herself nearly half naked in front of him. Instinctively, she crossed her arms over her chest and looked down.

He placed his hand under her chin and gently lifted her head so he could kiss her again. His other hand rested against her lower back, and it sent shivers up her spine from where it touched bare skin. She reached out and held onto his shirt as she leaned into the kiss. Slowly, so as not to break away, she moved up onto her knees again and moved one knee over his leg, straddling it. She slid her hands up to the sides of his neck and pressed her body into his chest as she kissed him.

She coaxed his mouth open in much the same way as he had hers, and he was happy to let her lead this time. It was much more awkward, and she was nervous as hell, but it wasn’t really so hard. She was apparently a fast learner. As she got more confident with how she was moving her mouth against his, and tilting her head just the right way, she managed to crawl half on top of his lap.

And then that wasn’t enough. She slid her hands back down and starting to unbutton his shirt. When he realized what she was doing, he moved to help, and together they got the thing off in practically no time. They pulled back just long enough so he could pull his undershirt over his head and toss it somewhere else in the room. They reached for each other at the same time and crashed back together, suddenly not caring about going slow, and decided instead for more tongue, more teeth, more touching.

She slid her hands up his bare arms and was surprised to find wiry muscle there. That probably came from all his factory jobs. If he actually had decent meals, instead of just having to scrape by, he would probably be really strong. It made her realize just how small she was. In comparison to him, she was barely more than skin and bones, with no bust or hips to speak of.

His fingertips ghosted up her spine and she moaned involuntarily into his mouth. He stopped at the bindings, trying to find the end. “How do you get these off?” he mumbled against her lips, a hint of annoyance in his voice.

Steph laughed at his frustration and pulled back so she could reach around for where she’d tied the bindings. She unwrapped them slowly, and after a certain point, they fell off on their own. She let the wraps pool around her hips and took a deep breath as she gently set her hands on Bucky’s shoulders, keeping her eyes on a point around his collar bone.

He slid his hands up her bare back all the way to her shoulder blades, just feeling her skin. She leaned into the touch. He leaned down and licked just below her ear, and then trailed kisses down her neck. She couldn’t help but tilt her head back, giving him room to explore. He sucked on a spot of her neck where it met her shoulder, and her mouth fell open in a quiet, low moan as her eyes fluttered closed.

He pressed his hands into her back, pulling her flush against his chest as he worked the skin of her neck red. She tried to focus on the feeling of his mouth on her neck, but she was hyper-aware of everywhere their skin was touching, the brush of her nipples against his chest, his hands on her back, sliding up a down along her spine.

She had seen the kinds of bruises girls had on their necks, so she knew what Bucky was doing was going to leave a mark. But she couldn’t possibly care, not when it felt that wonderful. He licked the spot he had been worrying on her neck and then moved his lips along the front of her throat. His hands slid down to her waist and he traced circles in her skin as his mouth moved lower.

She leaned back slightly and ran her fingers through his hair as he ducked his head and ran his tongue along her very prominent collar bones. But he didn’t stop there. His lips glided down the rise of her chest and he circled one nipple with his tongue before biting down on it gently.

Steph let out a shocked breath that was half moan. Her fingers tightened in his hair, and she bit down on her lip hard, trying to remember she had neighbors and these walls were paper thin. But even as she tried to keep her mouth closed, another squeaky moan escaped when he moved one hand up to cup her other breast.

“B-Bucky…” she tried to get out without her voice shaking, and was quite unsuccessful. She ran her fingers through his hair urgently and felt like she was on the verge of passing out from the sensory overload, but in a good way.

He chuckled against her skin and it sent a shiver down into the pit of her stomach, a delicious curl of desire. At some point he had switched to the other side. When she thought she couldn’t take it anymore, she yanked his head up again and crashed her lips against his. She kissed and nipped his lips, one hand still running through his hair at the back of his head, the other wrapped around his back so she could pull herself as close as possible to him.

She eventually had to break for air, and found herself panting a lot harder than she meant to. She kept her hand in his hair and her other arm around his back as her chest rose and fell rapidly. She gazed down into his face and saw his lips were swollen and bruised, probably just as hers were. His hair was sticking up in odd places from what she had been doing, and he looked completely disheveled. He also had a crazy lopsided grin on his face.

She felt herself respond with a grin of her own. But she couldn’t get her breathing to even out. She gulped down as much air as she could manage, but she had started to feel light-headed at some point, and hadn’t realized it. “I-I think I need a chance to catch my breath…” she mumbled, worried she really was going to have an attack at this point.

“You okay?” he asked gently.

She nodded, and finally felt like she was starting to breathe properly again. “But that was… wow.”

“Understatement.”

“Wow, four syllables. I didn’t know you knew words that big, Barnes.” She smiled cheekily at him, and before he could retort, she leaned forward and placed one kiss to his lips. It was very chaste in comparison to what they had just been doing. He smiled against her mouth and wound his arms loosely around her waist.

“Quite a way to start the morning,” he said as he looked up at her.

“I hope it’s not the last time a morning starts like this…” She smiled, and this time it was not teasing, but a sincere, happy smile.

He smiled too. “Somehow, I think there’s a pretty good chance it’s not.”

“Good.”

“Remember?” He kissed her one more time. “You’re stuck with me.”

Steph laughed. “I am okay with that.”

 

**Author's Note:**

> I added this story to my overall series of "A Guy, A Girl and the Never-Ending War" instead of to the Deleted Scenes because it doesn't actually work with the timeline, obviously. But I do like the Female!Steve/Bucky relationship from those stories, so it is supposed to be the same characters. It is a slight alternate universe in which they get together earlier, because I actually love writing side stories of my own stuff.
> 
> (Also, ha ha ha. I managed to work in a quote from Studio 60. I think it's become a goal of mine to make references to Studio 60 and/or The Last 5 Years in every Steve/Bucky thing I write.)


End file.
